A Secret Code to Calm Your Complaining
Check your body.
What does it feel like when you complain? Breathe and scan your insides, your heart, limbs, chest, back, neck, shoulders and head. Mark where you feel this complaining feeling on the diagram below. Use colored pens, markers or pencils to draw any shape, image, lines or scribbles to help you visualize this sensation. You may experience a combination of sensations. For example: I feel pressure in my chest and a tightness in my jaw. My throat is tight like I’ve eaten something sour. My hands clench with an angry sensation.
[If you feel like the complaining comes from all of you and can detect no body sensation, imagine stepping outside your complaining nature for just a moment as an observer. Draw what the whole of the complainer looks like.]
Notice how you feel toward this part of you that is in distress.
You may have a lot of complaints about it! That is understandable, right?
Let the complainer know that it makes sense. Or, you may be sick and tired of this “sick and tired part” of you. This feeling also makes sense. Reassure your exhaustion that you agree. Can you feel even a little bit curious about your complaining part? Even 10% more curiosity will help. Gently remind yourself that no part of you is trying to hurt you.
a) Without forcing anything, ask this grousing or whining part: What do you believe would happen to me if you (the complainer) did not express yourself? Write any impressions you get here: ____________________________________________________________________________________________
b) Ask yourself: Can I understand why this is a concern for the complainer. If yes, let it know that you see its point. Write any notes here: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
c) Can you see how the complainer might be trying to help you in your inside world? ____________________________________
d) If yes, offer it some gratitude.
e) Let this part know that no matter what it complains about – the world, the weather, your work, etc., you are right here with it. It does not have to do its job alone and even if you can’t figure out the whole world, that’s alright. You can offer this part (and any parts of you that it protects) understanding, love and your calm breathing.
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